1. What Is Violent Fantasy? Why Does It Exist?
Violent fantasy (rape fantasy, being tied up, forced, or humiliated in imagination) is a form of imagined scenario — not a desire to be assaulted in real life.
What’s important to distinguish:
- Fantasy is not real-life action
- Fantasy does not mean you want it to happen in reality
- Fantasy does not define your morality or who you are
In sexual psychology, fantasy is viewed as a safe mental space where individuals can experience intense emotions without real-world consequences.
Research shows:
- A large percentage of adults (of all genders) have experienced passive, controlled, or “forced” fantasies.
- Most of them never want these scenarios to happen in real life.
Fantasy does not mean you “want to be harmed.” It reflects how the brain responds to power, control, and emotional intensity.
2. BDSM Through the Lens of Psychological & Neuroscience Research
BDSM is not violence. It is a structured, controlled emotional–physiological experience.
BDSM operates on three pillars:
- Power dynamics
- Intense sensations (pain, restraint, sensory overload)
- Consent and controlled safety
Within this structure, the submissive role is not weakness. It is an active choice to surrender control within a clearly defined and safe framework.
3. Why Can the Brain Associate Pleasure With Passivity?
3.1 Dopamine – The Brain’s Reward System
When pleasure occurs (through sex, masturbation, or fantasy), the brain releases:
- Dopamine (motivation, desire)
- Endorphins (pain reduction, euphoria)
- Oxytocin (bonding and safety, in contexts of trust)
When pleasure is repeatedly experienced within the same scenario, the brain learns: this scenario = reward. This is a normal neurolearning process, not a deviation.
3.2 Pain – Fear – Pleasure: Why Aren’t They Contradictory?
The brain does not process pain and pleasure as completely separate systems.
- Endorphins are released during pain → producing a “high”
- Adrenaline increases heart rate → heightening sexual arousal
- When pain exists within a safe context, the brain can interpret it as stimulation
Therefore:
- Unwanted pain → trauma
- Pain within fantasy or consensual BDSM → can become pleasure
3.3 Passivity Reduces Psychological Burden
For many people — especially those who:
- Are highly controlling
- Experience chronic anxiety
- Carry heavy responsibility
- Suppress emotions for long periods
→ passivity in fantasy or BDSM provides:
- A sense of letting go
- Freedom from decision-making
- Relief from responsibility
- Release from control
The brain experiences this as relief and associates it with pleasure.
4. Why is violent fantasy often stronger than 'gentle' fantasy?
4.1. The brain becomes accustomed to high stimulation (tolerance)
When exposed for a long time to:
- Strong porn
- Extreme scenarios
→ The brain needs higher intensity to achieve the same level of dopamine.
Similar to:
- Drinking a lot of coffee → needs a stronger dose
- Not because it's 'worse', but because the brain has adapted
4.2. Violent fantasy taps into primal emotions
Forced fantasy often triggers:
- Fear
- Shame
- Taboo
- Power
These are very strong emotions, making the brain more easily trigger pleasure compared to 'normal' scenarios.
5. BDSM ≠ re-enacting trauma (in most cases)
A common misunderstanding is: 'Enjoying violence must be due to having been abused.'
In reality:
- Not all people who enjoy BDSM have trauma
- And not all violent fantasies stem from trauma
However:
- If a fantasy causes suffering, self-loathing, or loss of control, it should be viewed from a therapeutic perspective
- If a fantasy is understood, controlled, and has boundaries, it is just a form of sexual scenario
6. Key points to remember
Fantasy is a product of brain activity, not a measure of morality or human value. The fact that a person has passive, influenced, or violent fantasies does not mean they are a "bad" or "deviant" person; it reflects how the brain responds to stimuli and emotions.
The brain can associate pleasure with passive feelings through various biological mechanisms. When a scenario is repeated multiple times in imagination or masturbation, dopamine (a neurotransmitter related to motivation and reward) will "remember" that scenario as a source of pleasure. At the same time, endorphins and adrenaline released in stressful or intense situations can reduce pain, create excitement, and amplify feelings of arousal.
In addition to biological factors, many people have a psychological need to let go of control, temporarily escape responsibilities, worries, or pressures in everyday life. When these factors combine, the brain can learn to naturally associate pleasure with a passive state.
In real life, BDSM is only considered healthy when practiced under conditions of consent, safety, and sobriety. All actions need to be discussed beforehand, with clear boundaries and a mechanism to stop when necessary. There is no room for coercion or unintended harm.
Read more: A safe BDSM guide for beginners
Therefore, there is no need to "fix" or suppress fantasy. What is more important is to understand its origins, know how to manage it, and set boundaries so that fantasy does not dominate mental life, relationships, or real-life decisions. Understanding correctly will help you live more harmoniously with yourself, rather than in conflict or self-judgment.
Read more: Limits in BDSM
If you want to enter the world of BDSM safely and with a solid foundation, this online basic BDSM course is the right starting point. This is not a place to 'try for the sake of trying', but a place to understand before deciding to go further.
Sign up for the basic BDSM course for beginners