Question
I just learned about BDSM and am starting to explore it. Previously, when I was studying abroad, I had heard about it but didn't pay much attention. Recently, I've found myself thinking about it often and started to learn about this topic through the clips I've purchased; I watch them with great fascination, and I really want to experience the role of a slave at least once. The peak was when I accidentally witnessed two female veterinarians castrating a pig at my workplace; I was left stunned, unable to think, and then I ejaculated... Since then, I feel like I've been hypnotized and often think about that scene.
Can you tell me which group I belong to? Is it too deviant? Sometimes I feel ashamed of my thoughts.
Response
Thank you for being brave, trusting, and sharing.
The first thing I want you to understand is that being curious about BDSM, about the submissive role, or having strong fantasies does not automatically make you ‘deviant’.
Many people, when they start to encounter new experiences, especially those that are considered ‘taboo’, will have very strong psychological and physical reactions. What you describe as being obsessed, having repetitive thoughts, and strong bodily reactions is often related to a combination of curiosity + new stimulation + dopamine (the motivation chemical in the brain).
However, there is one point I need to make clear to you frankly. Being aroused by a real-life situation, especially in contexts that are not consensual (for example: situations involving the workplace, animals, or elements outside of healthy BDSM), is not a suitable foundation for building a safe BDSM experience.
BDSM, when understood correctly, is always based on:
Clear consent between individuals
Awareness of boundaries
Responsibility for one's actions
I also want you to distinguish one very important thing:
There are things that belong to fantasy
And there are things that are appropriate to experience in reality
Not everything you imagine or are aroused by should or can be acted out in real life.
See also:Violent fantasy, BDSM, and the brain's pleasure mechanisms
Feeling "caught up" and having difficulty controlling your thoughts is also a sign that you are at a very early stage, when you do not have enough foundation to understand and navigate these emotions.
If you really want to learn about BDSM seriously, I recommend starting with more basic steps. Learn about:
what consent is
your personal boundaries
the difference between healthy kink and risky behavior
BDSM Principles: SSC, RACK, and PRICK – What You Need to Know When Joining the Community
Limits in BDSM: The Foundation of Safety and Respect
And more importantly, do not rush to label yourself as a “slave” or try to experience it right away. The question “which group do you belong to?” does not need to be answered immediately. At this point, what matters more is how well you understand yourself and whether you are approaching this safely.
10 Types of Submissives in BDSM (Part 1)
10 Types of Submissives in BDSM (Part 2)
If you want to delve deeper, I recommend exploring in a guided manner rather than self-exploring through clips or uncontrolled sources.
If you need a space to better understand yourself and what you are feeling without judgment, you canschedule a private session with Mistress Elena. I will help you take each step clearly and more safely.
Sincerely,
Elena