Definition of Misoneism
Misoneism (Vietnamese: chứng ghét cái mới) is a term used to describe:
- Definition: The tendency or attitude of resisting, fearing, or hating new things, changes, or innovations. People with misoneism often react negatively to new ideas, technologies, customs, or changes in society and their environment.
- Etymology: From the Greek misos (hatred) and neos (new).
- Context of Use:
- In psychology: describes personality traits or psychological responses when individuals reject innovation, preferring familiarity and stability.
- In sociology and anthropology: refers to communities, societies, or cultures resisting changes or foreign influences.
- In politics and philosophy: sometimes used to criticize extreme conservatism and resistance to progress or modernization.
- Examples:
- A company whose leadership suffers from misoneism may avoid adopting new technologies for fear of disrupting familiar processes.
- Historically, many societies have shown misoneistic reactions when encountering new cultures or inventions.
When “Hating the New” Becomes a Barrier to Exploring BDSM
In my work in BDSM counseling and education, I often come across an interesting concept: misoneism—the tendency to fear or hate new things. It may sound abstract, but it happens in very familiar ways.
At the personal level, many people are curious about BDSM but immediately dismiss it: “That’s perverted, it’s sick”; “Just hearing about it already feels wrong”. That’s misoneism—the aversion to newness that makes them shut the door to experiences that could bring connection, pleasure, and even healing.
Example: Someone hears about wearing a collar and acting like a pet, and reacts: “That person must be mentally ill, humans shouldn’t do that!”
→ This is misoneism. Hating the new leads to quick negative labeling, ignoring that pet play can bring freedom, intimacy, and pleasure if practiced safely and consensually.
At the societal level, misoneistic attitudes often lead to BDSM being stigmatized and misrepresented. The media frequently portrays BDSM as linked with violence, manipulation, or pornography, causing the public to misunderstand its essence. Even educational materials about BDSM are sometimes labeled as “obscene,” resulting in stigma and lack of accurate knowledge.
Even within D/s relationships, misoneism can appear when one partner refuses to try anything new, making the dynamic repetitive and less connected.
Example: A submissive wants to try sensation play (such as using feathers or wax), but the Dominant dismisses it: “That stuff is silly, there’s nothing fun about it, don’t bring it up again.”
→ This misoneistic attitude makes the relationship prone to stagnation, lacking growth and fresh connection.
So how can we overcome it?
Start with knowledge and consent. When we understand that BDSM is not synonymous with violence, but is instead about safety – trust – liberation, then “the new” no longer feels so threatening. Gradual, gentle experimentation can then open the door to unexpected experiences.
BDSM doesn’t require you to do everything at once. All it takes is letting go of prejudice, learning to listen to yourself and your partner, and then “the new” becomes a natural part of your journey of exploration.
