When it comes to safewords, I receive some interesting opinions and questions such as "how to use a safeword when blindfolded, gagged, and even handcuffed?"; "a safeword is like scripting beforehand, which takes away the excitement." In this article, I would like to share about non-verbal signals, also known as safe signals, in a scene, and why they are so important.
What is a safeword?
Safeword, also known as a safety word, is a very important concept in BDSM, used to ensure safety and consent throughout the play process. This can be a word or signal agreed upon in advance, so that either party can use it when they feel uncomfortable, need to stop, or adjust the activity.
Read more: What is a Safeword in BDSM? How to Set Up a Safeword
Principles of choosing a safeword:
- Easy to remember, easy to say, not overlapping with phrases or words commonly used during play. (For example: do not use "stop", "too painful", "go away". Instead, use: "durian", "pineapple", "Vietnam", "Donald Trump")
- It can be replaced by non-verbal signals (tapping hands, snapping fingers, dropping objects…) if the player is gagged or has difficulty speaking.
Common system: Traffic light system
- Green: comfortable, can continue or be stronger.
- Yellow: warning, need to reduce intensity or change.
- Red: stop immediately, end, or transition to post-care.
In short: A safeword is a tool to protect boundaries and consent in BDSM.
Types of safe signals (non-verbal signals).
There are special situations in BDSM where a verbal safeword is no longer effective. In those cases, a safe signal should be used as a substitute.
1. When being gagged
Cannot speak → use body signals:
Solution:
- Wink
- Drop an object you are holding (small bell, ball, key...). It is best if the object can make a sound when it hits the ground.
- Tap your hand/strike your hand on the bed/floor according to the agreement (for example: 3 times in a row).
- Snap fingers, stomp feet, clap hands, scratch.
- Use your fingers as signals (for example: the thumb means okay, two fingers mean slow down, the pinky means stop).
2. When both the eyes and mouth are covered
The player will lose the ability to signal with their eyes and words.
Solution:
Still using objects held in hand to drop, or special body signals as above.
Note: It is mandatory for the Dom to closely observe the breathing, body reactions, and to frequently check by touch to confirm.
3. When blindfolded, with mouth covered and hands tied
The player will lose the ability to signal with their eyes, speech, and even hand signals.
Solution:
- Use squeeze toys that make sounds like a chicken clucking or a hand horn (used according to a convention, for example: 1 time means slow down, 2 times means stop...).
- Drop an object you are holding (small bell, ball, key...). It is best if the object can make a sound when it hits the ground or is clearly visible.
4. When the entire body is immobilized (mummification, heavy bondage)
At this moment, it is almost impossible to move my arms and legs.
Solution:
- Use non-verbal sound signals: groan from the throat 3 short times, or blow air strongly.
- Bite gently on the tool.
- Some professional teams use a small squeeze ball attached to a string like a pump; when squeezed or released, it signals to stop.
- Leave one of their fingers out, ask them to bend it to check the response. If they cannot hear, you can place your hand on their finger and ask them to hold your hand as previously discussed.
- Roll the body to the right/left.
- Stretch your legs.
- Jump up or stomp your feet (if standing).
Note: The dom or the person performing is responsible for regularly checking by observing the breath (light touch, asking for signals, feeling the breath from the mouth) to ensure safety.
Why are safewords & safe signals important in BDSM?
A safeword is the safety line in all BDSM play. It not only helps to clearly distinguish between role-playing and abuse, but also protects the physical, psychological, and autonomy rights of each person. A clear safeword transforms the BDSM experience into a journey of safe, consensual exploration and complete trust.
Maintain the SSC/RACK principles
BDSM is only safe when based on Safe – Sane – Consensual or Risk Aware Consensual Kink. A safeword is a tool that ensures the element of consent is always present.
2. The boundary between "play" and "abuse"
In BDSM, behaviors that may appear violent or coercive can occur (such as role play or CNC). A safeword helps to distinguish: if it can be stopped immediately upon request → that is consent; if it cannot → there is a risk of becoming abusive.
3. Tools for Physical and Psychological Protection
Players can stop when they exceed their tolerance threshold (pain, shortness of breath, anxiety, triggering old memories...). This helps prevent injury or psychological trauma.
4. Build trust and connection
Knowing that they always have a "safety key," participants will feel more comfortable and immerse themselves deeper into their roles. This helps both sides feel at ease, thereby creating a stronger bond in the experience.
5. Encourage safe exploration
BDSM often involves pushing boundaries, not just edging but also including other activities. A safeword allows people to "go further" in a controlled manner, as everyone knows that boundaries can be clearly signaled.
Is a safeword like scripting things out beforehand, does that take away the excitement?
This question often arises for those new to BDSM. In fact, a safeword does not take away the excitement; on the contrary, it helps make the experience more freeing and deeper.
As mentioned above, you can choose not to say the safeword during the BDSM practice, but agreeing on a safeword beforehand shows respect, awareness of safety, and responsibility from both parties.
Why doesn't a safeword ruin the mood?
Safeword is not a "pre-script"
It's like setting "safety rules" in an adventure game, rather than revealing the game's content beforehand. The content can still be surprising, creative, and dramatic; the only difference is that there is an "emergency brake" for protection.
Increase trust → increase immersion
When you know there’s always a way out, your mind becomes less guarded and your body relaxes more easily. This allows both Dom and Sub to dive deeper into the sensations, instead of worrying about “going too far”.
Safewords are rarely used
In practice, a safeword is only spoken when truly necessary. Many BDSM partners play for years without ever using it, but its presence makes the experience safer and more engaging.
Keeping boundaries clear
In scenarios like CNC, humiliation, or intense roleplay, shouting “no, stop” may simply be part of the scene. Without a safeword, both partners could easily misinterpret the situation, making the experience feel unnatural and increasing the risk of harm.
In other words. A safeword doesn’t kill the mood—it liberates it. It allows you to dive as deep into the role as you want, knowing that everything can stop instantly with a single word.
